He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
