Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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