I wish I could teleport
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
