your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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