Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
