This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
