fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
