Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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