I must be too annoying 4 u.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
