I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
