I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
