its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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