I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
