Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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