i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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