i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
