How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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