I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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