and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
