I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
