we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
