I cannot find my penis.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
