He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
