When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
