Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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