I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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