I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize