a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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