just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh god it's open bar.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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