Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
