Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
