so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i think my cat just said my name.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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