i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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