So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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