Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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