Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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