Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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