How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
