Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
