fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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