Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
