Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
