Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
