I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
