The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's always time for handjobs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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