You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
