Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
