i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
