My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
