I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize