The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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