Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
