Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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