I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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