i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't deserve a penis
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
