Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
