Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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