I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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