if you like me you must not know who I am
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
