Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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