Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
