dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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