just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
