WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're like the curious george of whores
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
